Each year the English Department at San Jose State University holds the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest where contestents submit a horrible opening sentence to a fictional novel. The contest is done in honour of Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton whos infamous beginning to his novel Paul Clifford began “It was a dark and stormy night.”<\/p>\n
Every year I seem to come across the results and thought I would post a couple of the ones I liked best.<\/p>\n
Overall Winner:<\/p>\n
As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual.
Dan McKay
Fargo, ND<\/p><\/blockquote>\nWinner in the Spy Novel Catagory<\/p>\n
The double agent looked up from his lunch of Mahi-Mahi and couscous and realized that he must escape from Walla Walla to Bora Bora to come face-to-face with his arch enemy by taking out his 30-30 and shooting off his nemesis’ ear-to-ear grin so he could wave bye-bye to this duplicitous life, but the chances of him pulling this off were only so-so, much less than 50-50.
Charles Jaworski
North Pole, AK<\/p><\/blockquote>\nWinner Romance Catagory:<\/p>\n
Billy Bob gushed like a broken water main about his new love: “She’s got long, beautiful, drain-clogging hair, more curves than an under-the-sink water trap, and she moves with the ease of a motorized toilet snake through a four-inch sewer line, but what she sees in me, a simple plumber, I’ll never know.”
Glenn Lawrie
Chung-buk, South Korea<\/p><\/blockquote>\nYou can read all of the best, or worst depending on how you view it at: http:\/\/www2.sjsu.edu\/depts\/english\/2005.htm<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Each year the English Department at San Jose State University holds the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest where contestents submit a horrible opening sentence to a fictional novel. The contest is done in honour of Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton whos infamous beginning … Continue reading